Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Day 10 - Fear

Something I am afraid of...

No, not planes. I am afraid of flying, along with a good percentage of the rest of the population. I have flown many times in my 24 years and the fear escalates each time. When we flew to Florida when I was a little girl, I loved it. Well, until it came time to land back in Philly and I thought we were going to land in the Delaware River. Don't worry, I made sure the rest of the passengers knew my fear as well. Back to flying... In 8th grade I went on a trip to Mexico and during the captains speech my friend told me that the plane was going to crash and we were all going to die. Perhaps I should blame him for the start of my worry. Fast forward to college. I am on a small puddle jumper and we are zooming down the run way. Just before the planes lifts into the air it skids to a stop and pulls a u-turn. The captain didn't get something right and we need to try again. I LOST IT. Tears, shaking, holding onto the arm of the random stranger next to me. It was embarrassing. After that my mom had me medicated for flying. The last time I was on a plane was 3 years ago for our honeymoon to Mexico. On the way home we sat next to a woman who shared my same fears and we spent the 4 hour flight grasping each others arms and holding our breath through every bump of turbulence. I think it may be awhile before I fly again.

A newer fear I have developed on October 15, 2008. Brooke's birthday. There is a cheesy quote about how having a child means choosing to have part of your heart walking around outside your body. And it's true! One of my biggest worries is that something will happen to me and I won't be here for my girls. They won't have a mother growing up. I won't get to see them on their first day of school, their school dance, prom, high school graduation, wedding, etc. I think my anxiety plays a big part in this fear but it crosses my mind often.