Indiana

I do not do this often, but I feel the need to share.

I am fed up with Indiana.

Dustin graduated college before I did and for awhile was working down in Muncie, Indiana, which is just south of Taylor University. The year we got engaged he took a job with a construction company in his home town. His job has been good to us and I am grateful he can work at a place he loves and in such a wonderful environment.

So, I was going to be living in Indiana. MUCH different from Philadelphia but I spent 4 years here for college, it was like my ice breaker. Things would be okay. We would be okay. Well, as Dustin puts it, I got pregnant "30 seconds" after we got married and for someone who is more literal than anyone I know, I hold this statement against him! Though not planned, we were thrilled and decided that me finding a teaching job was counterproductive and I would just stay home while pregnant, and after the baby arrived.

Sounds great right?! It turned out to be a curse. I had never felt so lonely. I had no friends in Indiana and spent the majority of my time doing things around the house, wandering the local Target, and being with Dustin in the evenings. I know that couples do this all the time and can make it work, so why couldn't I? I craved adult interaction and suddenly wished I had gotten a job of some sort, just to be around others.

Now we have our beautiful baby girl and have a second on the way. I have made two great friends who also have beautiful little girls and have found my times out with them encouraging and a relief. Still, on the days where I am home with Brooke and have no where to go, I feel lonely all over.

I am fed up with Indiana.

I guess I can't really blame the state. This could happen in any state we lived in, so perhaps there is something wrong with me. I wish I could figure it out but until then I am left with this crushing feeling in my chest. It hurts a little more that there are people in our town I could hang out with, but they have no interest in me. The feeling of being left out is one I am all too familiar with these days.

Thanks for letting me express my complaint.

Time to take a deep breath!