Thursday, December 17, 2009

Indiana

I do not do this often, but I feel the need to share.

I am fed up with Indiana.

Dustin graduated college before I did and for awhile was working down in Muncie, Indiana, which is just south of Taylor University. The year we got engaged he took a job with a construction company in his home town. His job has been good to us and I am grateful he can work at a place he loves and in such a wonderful environment.

So, I was going to be living in Indiana. MUCH different from Philadelphia but I spent 4 years here for college, it was like my ice breaker. Things would be okay. We would be okay. Well, as Dustin puts it, I got pregnant "30 seconds" after we got married and for someone who is more literal than anyone I know, I hold this statement against him! Though not planned, we were thrilled and decided that me finding a teaching job was counterproductive and I would just stay home while pregnant, and after the baby arrived.

Sounds great right?! It turned out to be a curse. I had never felt so lonely. I had no friends in Indiana and spent the majority of my time doing things around the house, wandering the local Target, and being with Dustin in the evenings. I know that couples do this all the time and can make it work, so why couldn't I? I craved adult interaction and suddenly wished I had gotten a job of some sort, just to be around others.

Now we have our beautiful baby girl and have a second on the way. I have made two great friends who also have beautiful little girls and have found my times out with them encouraging and a relief. Still, on the days where I am home with Brooke and have no where to go, I feel lonely all over.

I am fed up with Indiana.

I guess I can't really blame the state. This could happen in any state we lived in, so perhaps there is something wrong with me. I wish I could figure it out but until then I am left with this crushing feeling in my chest. It hurts a little more that there are people in our town I could hang out with, but they have no interest in me. The feeling of being left out is one I am all too familiar with these days.

Thanks for letting me express my complaint.

Time to take a deep breath!

1 comment:

HJ. said...

jess, i totally read your blog all the time but i figure it's not too creepy since i actually know you =) i'm sorry life is so lonely. . .i have to say that it's been weird living here in cleveland without knowing anyone other than chris. i have friends now through work and am SO grateful for them, but i never see them other than that, and it does get really lonely especially when chris is gone studying long hours. it's weird to not have people to just call up and go out to coffee or something.
i'll definitely be praying for you and your sweet little family. . .congrats on #2 by the way!
-hannah jetter