35/35

If you aren't familiar with pregnancy, once you reach 35 weeks of pregnancy, you also have 35 days left in the countdown to your due date. Hence: 35/35.

Here is a picture of just my belly. I am getting maternity pictures done Saturday so I'll have prettier ones to share soon.

I fell down the rabbit hole of old blog posts and found the pregnancy survey I used to do weekly.

Pregnancy: 35 weeks

Weight Gain: 20ish pounds, which is a little more than I wanted so I have to be good from here on out. Who am I kidding?

Sleep: Broken up as usual. I generally wake up 2-4 times to use the bathroom, and each time I switch which side I am laying on. My hips get so sore if I lay on one for too long. That makes me feel old.

Gender: Girl

Name: Paige Taylor

Feeling: Sick. I've had some blood pressure issues the past few days so I am pretty nauseous as well as short of breath and experiencing headaches. I also still have hip pain when walking so I have to minimize the length of my outings. Generally this means going out more in a week to get things done.

Health: Like above, blood pressure has been wacky. It was up to 141/92 and then down to 98/60. So odd.

Belly: Growing weekly it seems! My stretch marks are also growing. No news ones, just continuations to the old ones.

What I am looking forward to: Snuggling a new squishy.

What I miss: Sleeping on my belly. Taking walks.

SO more on the blood pressure. It's the reason I was headed down the rabbit hole before. We have to travel back to June of 2010, 9 days before Molly was born. I was sent to labor and delivery for blood pressure issues, just a little after 35 weeks. I am exactly 35 weeks now so this is a little earlier, but around the same time. Interesting.

Anyway, I've had headaches and dizziness for three days now and have been using CVS blood pressure cuffs or a wrist cuff I borrowed from my father-in-law. The top number ranged from 132-141 and the bottom number ranged from 79-92. Not TOO high, compared to the numbers in my post with Molly, but definitely higher than preferred. After three days of this the OB sent me up to L&D to get some more in depth testing done. I was there for about two hours, not so bad. 

I have orders to be lazy and stay hydrated. 

Independence

I think this is one of the only things I'm going to miss when the baby arrives. Okay, and maybe solid sleep but I've been there done that twice and know that they sleep eventually.

Brooke and Molly are at a great stage. I can let them out back to play with out having to go with them thanks to an open concept house that allows me to keep tabs on them. And the fact that they'll stay in the backyard and play. 

They can get their own snacks and drinks after school.

They play SO well together and will play dolls and dress up for hours in the playroom. Or coloring. Or watching a movie on Netflix... which they can set up themselves.

They sort their dirty laundry into baskets with their names on it to make my life a bit easier.

They can dress themselves completely, down to snow pants, hats, and gloves if needed.

They can almost shower themselves. They know how to turn it on, and how to rinse their hair out, getting the shampoo and conditioner into it is another story.

I just snapped these with my cell phone real fast. They are currently outside helping D take the Christmas lights down. Yes, they are still up. Don't judge. Although you probably understand the winter this entire country has had. This is the first nice day + no snow that we've had since Thanksgiving.

I am really excited about this stage for having another baby. I've had a newborn with a toddler to take care of, and it was interesting. Totally doable, but interesting. I know there will be challenges surrounding having a new baby in the house, whether our kids are 2, 5, or 10, but I have faith it will go smoothly.

I know I'll miss the independence we've had with having older kids. Eating out has been a breeze. Going places has been a breeze. Heck, our Disney vacation was close to a breeze. They can swim in a pool with swimmies and I don't have to hold them every second. 

We are definitely about to start a new adventure, but is sure is an exciting one!

33 Weeks

I was 33 weeks on Thursday.... Friday.... ???

Who keeps track of these things the third time around? ;)

The above picture was taken Saturday at my baby "sprinkle". My sister-in-law and two of my good friends threw me a diaper shower and it was wonderful and so much fun! There were fun activities and a headband making station. My friends and family sure spoiled me with diapers and some extra goodies.

The loot. Dustin and I counted 1,286 diapers and about 2000 wipes. 

Obligatory shower picture.

I'm suddenly in "panic" mode*. But panicking for me doesn't really look any different than my laid back self except my calendar gets fuller. The hospital bag[s] are packed, and I am making a list of things that won't go in until it's time in case someone else needs to get the bag for me. The last two times we were fortunate enough to be home. Although with Brooke I was 36 weeks and had no idea what was going on so my sister-in-law ended up needing to bring everything I forgot.

*I know a lot of you are like "Um, you are 33.5 weeks" but if you haven't been here before, Brooke came at 36 weeks and Molly came at 37 weeks... so we have to be prepared!

I'm super uncomfortable. I know I shouldn't complain, but things are getting rough physically. My SPD has really prohibited me from moving about easily. This is probably the first pregnancy I've actually been waddling. Most days, I limp. So if you seen me in Target limping, I didn't injure my leg, my hip and pubic bones just don't want to cooperate. When I get out of bed my hip pops in and out of place, which is generally painful. I also have "omgsomuchpressure" down there. Some days I feel like I'm being ripped in half... which is more of a reason to spend extra time in bed. 

I have lots of braxton hicks contractions through out the day. I can be sitting, walking, driving, standing, showering.... and they happen. Another new pregnancy ailment. Mostly they are just annoying. I've experienced real contractions twice and know the real pain will happen soon enough.

That sounds like a lot of complaints, but things have been wonderful too. The girls are getting really excited about their baby sister. Every time I leave the house with out them they ask, "Are you going to get the baby out now?" Which, by the way, we've been able to avoid the HOW the baby comes out explanation. Right now saying "The doctor will take her out" seems to hold them over. 

I have a short list of things to get done before she comes. 

1. Get a prenatal massage

2. Get a pedicure [after full-term for hopefully moving labor along]

3. Get the house professionally cleaned

4. Finish my book

5. Have some girls nights out with my friends. Convincing Dustin to stay home two nights a month with a newborn will be impossible. 

Rough, huh?

My next post I need to do nursery pictures. And maybe some of her adorable outfits.

I need those two weeks.

This is going to be an opinion post, which means a percent of you [yet to be determined] will roll your eyes, side-eye me, insert more disagreement actions here.

I am adding this to my blogging journal as a place to remember my pregnancy hormone induced honesty.

I am a selfish mommy. 

This specific selfish moment has nothing to do with anything other than my newborn. I have anxiety induced feelings over this often, and it was all confirmed with the recent Facebook circulation of an article about a having your last baby. It brought up lots of emotions about this being our last planned child.

I am already obsessing over the delivery and those precious moments after birth. I want to enjoy every moment --as long as L&D goes as well as the previous two-- and bask in those glorious moments that happen after the doctor and nurses finally take quiet steps out of the room. I can already smell that new baby smell!

I love seeing family and friends at some point after birth. It's nice to introduce the new bundle and feel the love surrounding our new family. Hospital visits are great when the momma is ready. There is a period of recovery and rest needed and then bring it on... with a text first. I've had friends have to wait in the waiting room while I feed or the baby gets tests done with the nurses. Don't be surprised if we take your picture with her, and if it ends up in a scrapbook somewhere. We are a bit crazy like that!

What's the point of all of this? I am a selfish mommy. I am a newborn hog. I don't want to share my newborn for more than five to ten minutes at a time. The newborn stage is the quickest stage in a child's life. They are only that brand new for such a short time. Now that I have been through this twice, I try to be conscious of this when I visit friends and their new babies. I wait for them to offer for me to hold the baby. If I do, I get in some snuggles and hand the baby back. Who doesn't love visiting a new baby?! I handle newborns as part of my job and I still can't get enough.

I want to enjoy their new baby, too. But I will never remember those moments the way that baby's mother will. She will remember the feel of the fuzz on their head, the coos and grunts they make at random, the way his/her body fit perfectly in her arms, the way their head settles perfectly on her chest. And all too soon that hair will be half way down their back, their coos and grunts will become words and sentences, and they won't want to be cradled in your arms anymore. Heck, they won't even fit!

My oldest, who I swear was just born yesterday, is headed to Kindergarten this August!

And before anyone who knows me in real life starts to get worried... don't feel like you have to avoid me completely for two weeks. I don't mind visits from friends, and I don't mind you holding my baby. You've all been there, most of you recently. I can't really picture any of you settling into my house for hours upon hours to play baby hog while I run around "getting things done". Just don't expect me to look presentable, have a clean home, or have cookies cooling on the stove. Because I have those things normally, right?

I get anxiety over obligated gatherings with a newborn. It has nothing to do with germs. If you show up to a place where there is some sort of event, with a bunch of friends and family members, chances are you are going to be expected to play pass the baby. Someone is going to decide that it is their given right to snuggle your baby for an hour to give you a "break". Truthfully, I don't need a break from my baby. I need a break from the rest of life.

I'm not thinking... What can I do with this baby so I can do dishes? Cook. Fold clothes. Organize the linen closet.

I'm thinking... I wish I didn't have to do dishes right now. Cook. Fold clothes. Organize the linen closet.

For the first two weeks, I just want to be with my baby. I want to sit in bed and cuddle and bond. I want to listen to her noisy breathing as she sleeps on my chest. I want to catch the seldom awake moments where she looks around the room for the nearest point of light. I want to take it all in, because this is my last. I'll never get those moments again.

A mother's emotional state after birth is fragile at best. A bowl of blueberries could trigger a downpour of tears.

Everything else can wait. And it will wait. I don't expect anyone to come to my house and do chores. I don't really want them to. Even if someone is in my house for the sole purpose of aiding me in some way, I am going to feel some responsibility for their well being while here. It is part of the reason I will not be having family stay with me for at least two weeks.

I've always been very appreciative of the helpers who drop off meals, say hello for fifteen minutes or so, and then slip back out the door. The friends who let me know they are here to help if I need it. They see the baby, they check on the new momma, and they continue about their day.

At some point you have to move on from each phase of life, and soon it will be time for us to move on from this one. Until then I'll enjoy the last weeks of pregnancy, and I'll make the most of each day I get with each child I have. No day is promised to us, so can't I be a little selfish for the ones that I have?

So how many eye rolls were there? Horrified stares?!

That's fine. If I have to step on a few toes to make sure my emotional needs are taken care of, so be it.

I just need those two weeks to be selfish.

Sweet Brooke

Brooke is our oldest. She hit a full hand --five years old!-- this Fall and we took her to Disney World. She is headed to Kindergarten in the Fall and has already lost two teeth!

She is calm [for the most part], sweet, caring, and a big helper. As a baby she was always so chill and smiley. She liked to sleep and once she slept through the night in her crib, I could count on her to sleep until 10 or 11.  She was seriously the cutest little thing. I mean... look....

Calm and collected as a newborn

I can always count on Brooke for a photo shoot and know she'll make a great model, especially if promised a lollipop at the end.

She is in her second year of dance and loves it.  As a baby, she LOVED to dance. From the moment she could stand she was shaking her hips Shakira style. 

She loves all things pink and purple. She wears fancy dressed on the weekend since she can't wear them to school during the week, and loves to pick out headbands and bows. She loves to have her nails painted and will pick at least two colors to alternate so they are "fancier". 

BUT there are times that she likes to get dirty.

She absolutely LOVES being a big sister -- most days. By the end of a long weekend generally they are fighting over something silly and need to take a time out from each other, but what best friends don't? ;) They do everything together, as I said in Molly's post. Brooke also takes care of her little sister. In the past year she had really grown to be conscious of Molly's feelings. If they are playing with friends she always makes sure Molly is included, and if she isn't, she won't play. They are also really good at making trouble together. I know she cannot wait until Paige is here, and will be just as good as a big sister and helper.

Brooke is also a daddy's girl, and he is the first person she looks for the second she is up in the morning. She loves to help him make soup, which is their favorite food these days.

Brooke is my sensitive girl. I am always much more aware of her feelings than I am of Molly's, it seems. I am, of course, aware of both their feelings, but Brooke is much more apt to get upset. While Molly takes many things in stride, Brooke's little mouth turns down and she gets sobby. She can also get a little whiny. Okay, maybe a lot. She takes things very personal, especially when it comes to other kids. A few weeks ago she asked to play football instead of little league and I was just thinking of how she would handle getting hit by another kid. She is always willing to jump in and play with new friends, but if she feels rejected she gets shy really quick. It always breaks my hearts when she isn't accepted into new groups. I didn't prepare myself for that part of parenting!

Brooke will sit for hours and color and cut out shapes and tape them together. She amazes me with her cutting. She can cut out the thinnest and smallest shapes with precision. She also loves to send people mail. She will also sit through an entire movie, maybe even two or three, with out a peep. She loves to sleep in and every morning I have to drag her out of bed to get ready for school.

We love you Brookie, and we can't wait to watch you grow and learn!